Just over a month has gone by since we found out about the cancer. Time does fly when you’re having fun, and I guess even when you’re NOT. The time went to countless Doctor appointments, two port-a-caths, a visit to the ICU, trips to Salt Lake, (Craig knows how many pot holes there are on the way to Huntsman), phone calls from friends going to the grocery store, countless desserts brought to the house, meals brought in, hand sanitizer, Ensure bottles, lots of hugs, even more tears, and countless blessings.
We start chemo again on Wednesday the 7th. It still amazes me how fast the nausea starts. I really thought it would take longer to hit, but it kicked in about 3 hours after we got home from the first visit. They will be adding some other chemical this time that Craig didn’t get last time so we hope that it doesn’t change things too much. Craig’s best day this past week was Tuesday. He was able to work from his office in the family room, in his lazy boy, every day. Toward the end of the week the pain was getting a little worse each day. To be blunt, it’s a battle to find the right mix to keep things “GOING” well. We just have to find the happy medium between the Miralax and chemo. Maybe too much information but this is what is on my mind right now.
Ok, I’m coming out of the closet, so to speak. I have struggled with anxiety since high school, but have not wanted anyone to know. I have been on and off of medication, but mostly off feeling that I wasn’t a regular person if I had to be on a pill to make me normal to deal with life. Who was I to think that I was normal in the first place? But again, pride would get in the way. I hid my problems from almost everyone. Craig kept telling me that I needed to tell my friends so that I had their support when I needed it. I even went to a therapist to work through some things, which helped for a little while. The joke between Craig and I was, “Marsha has been seeing Dr. Ruth the past few months and is doing much better now” (her name was really Ruth). We joked about putting it in the Christmas letter that year. I recently began working again with my doctor to find the right mix of “normal”, and have decided that sharing my imperfections with family friends will be an essential part of the therapy. It may take some time to get the perfect blend. Those who have not experienced these feelings may not fully understand. Since we’ve met our medical deductible and feel it’s time to get everything tuned up I’ve decided to follow up with the “works”, medically speaking. I was thinking that a trip to California might kill several birds with one stone, as a trip through the TSA scanners could replace a mammogram, and other procedures. Plus, it would be very therapeutic. Anyway, that’s just a thought.
I have had people offer to do so many things for us. They say, “How can we make your burden lighter?” It is amazing how people are willing to help and it is all so appreciated. Many times I have no idea what to tell them, and sometimes they know better than I what I need. One friend came over and said, “Take off your shoes; I’m giving you a foot rub”. Seriously, after having worn my tennis shoes all day, she made me take off my shoes and started to rub my feet. After I got over the embarrassment, you almost had to wipe the drool off of my chin it felt so good, it was amazing. I have since offered to give her one in return.
I joked in church today about “how many priesthood holders does it take to install a light bulb”, but having the Christmas lights on the house has brought the Christmas spirit to our home. We are grateful to you.
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We hope everyone’s Christmas shopping is going well and that you are staying in the Christmas spirit. We need to keep all the things that go on at this time of year in perspective, and remember what we are really celebrating, which is the birth of Jesus Christ.